Who doesn’t like a bad boy? Is there a girl out there who at some time in her life not been attracted to the “wrong boy”? Whether wrong by your mother’s standards or wrong by what criteria you have set yourself, he is just wrong. And so appealing!
My mother had very fixed ideas on what was appropriate in a boyfriend. I’ve said already that she was the Cliff Richard vs The Rolling Stones type and translated this into her beliefs about what good girls should do and be. The seeds of temptation were planted right there!
At school I met a boy, three years older and everything I had been warned about – tight trousers, long hair, too much money and a great kisser. How did I know this you may wonder? Why ask. He was absolutely everything I had been forbidden and he, just like Lou Bega, was no gentleman
You wouldn’t call me gentleman
If you only knew my plan
You wouldn’t take the chance
To dance with dynamite
But Lou was right, I was so ready to “explode with [him] tonight”. I didn’t but just knowing I shouldn’t made the wanting more.
You go through life with all sorts of social norms swimming in your head – what you should wear, what to eat, who you should and shouldn’t mix with, how you should talk to people in different situations, what looks good or tacky in your house …
Who decided? What do we do out of habit and what is a conscious decision? And even if it’s conscious, is it the right decision? Some behaviours are obviously determined by ethics and values, and so they should be. Others are the result of upbringing and habit. But does that make them right?
Think about your house or your clothes. What is ‘good taste’? Surely taste is fundamentally personal and yet we get judged on it. I think one of the advantages of age should be being able to look a little more objectively at things and other people and value the incredible diversity around us. I think this but I still have to work at it. I have to chastise myself when I think someone looks a bit ‘tacky’ or if I don’t like pink floor tiles and sun filter curtains. There are so many variations on the ‘poor taste’ theme – unseemly, untoward, incorrect, disreputable, unrefined… Notice how many words tend toward the negative. The ‘un’s’, the ‘dis’, the ‘in’s’. One very seldom just says “it’s not my taste”. Behind those simple four words is a range of judgement, and all negative. All slightly disapproving. All thinking yours is better.
So, as I get older, I think I’m going to go back to looking at bad boys. Unfortunately the hair may be a lot thinner and the trousers not as snug, but I definitely want to find one who my mother would not have liked!
And then again ... 